Life without Baby

Lisa Manterfield‘s site Life without Baby helps those who are dealing with the unwanted situation of not having children of their own.

Her tagline, filling the silence in the motherhood discussion, and her book, “I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home” address the difficult topic of how to deal with wanting a child when it doesn’t seem to be in the cards.

After crossing paths with Lisa through one of Melissa Dinwiddie’s Hangouts and joining Lisa’s site, I realized I had no idea about how difficult this subject could be. I had known since I was 15 that I would never have kids. I petitioned my parents to sign to have my uterus removed. Why deal with all that menstruation and carry this organ around when it wasn’t going to have a purpose?

They: You might change your mind.

Me: I know I won’t.

My parents wouldn’t sign.  Of course, that was the right decision.  But I didn’t change my mind.  Not wanting to have regrets, I took a hard look at my choice in my 30’s.  I didn’t find any denial.  I haven’t had any kids and I have no regrets.

Give me a newborn and I can coo away with the best of them.  I could even win cooing competitions.  Getting a baby to smile at me is quite a high.  But that doesn’t correlate for me with wanting to have one, which has always been a curious dichotomy to me.  But that’s for another blog post.  I always felt I was supposed to do something else with my life, like be on some unsolvable math problem research team.

But I bring this up because I have been clueless around this issue and I’ve said some of the things that people in Life without Baby feel hurt by.  When a neighbor had a miscarriage, I said, “Just have another one.”

I get the pain now.  I didn’t get it when I said it.  I’m really sorry about that.  I cringe every time I remember that moment.

Life goes on and hopefully we all keep learning?